Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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