Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
