I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
MIDGETS
????
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
