Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
