I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
