We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
