i don't like sucking hair
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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