I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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