Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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