apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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