Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
