What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
