u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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