Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
