Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
