Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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