your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
