it hurts more in the daytime
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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