You really coming over, don't trick.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We left an ass print on the piano.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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