they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
