okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
