its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
