If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
