my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
