brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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