i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
