That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
