I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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