I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
