you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
