if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
