No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
