why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
