as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
