it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I checked into jail on foursquare
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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