writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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