and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
