So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
