You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
