Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
