Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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