Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
