you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
