and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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