Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
