I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize