I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
