I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
