i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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