dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
