I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize