i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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