Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
