swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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