Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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