I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
