I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
