Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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