I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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