The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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