The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
