I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
