If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
