i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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