All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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