Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
MIDGETS
????
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
