the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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