Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
