Duck Duck Cougar?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
