The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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