she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
