My first STD was from a foam party
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Nicole vs. Life
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
