i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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