When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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