Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize