We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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