he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
