1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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