I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
