Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
