How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
