why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
