my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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