did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
