So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
