I think my vagina is haunted
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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