Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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