I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
