final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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